eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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