I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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