mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize