It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize