Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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