what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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