I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize