Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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