don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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