So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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