Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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