Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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