STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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