Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize