i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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