Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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