I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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