The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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