You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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