Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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