His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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