so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize