Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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