Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize