My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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