Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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