why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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