and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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