Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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