So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize