this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize