Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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