dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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