Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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