and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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