I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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