my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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