Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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