How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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