You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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