so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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