If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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