I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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