Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize