she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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