I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I currently don't understand fingers.
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