i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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