Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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