the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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