can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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